What's the point...

Well gang, i have another late post because of my lousy prioritizing skills. I was playing minecraft with my friends and then my dad wanted to get on the computer to "check something". "Checking Something" turned into 3 hours of watching movies. I decided that it would be best to just go to bed, completely forgetting about my post. I woke up this mourning watching the Colbert Report and suddenly it became apparent that i had forgotten to blog. *Face Palm*

Lately i have started to question the point of my life. I work at a job where i only get 4-5 hours a week which has been going on even before i started college. My parents are getting a divorce and both are directly and indirectly trying to paint each other as the bad guy. My brother is oblivious to everything going around him and is so self centered that he has little to no empathic ties with anyone, that on top of the fact that he's lazy as hell. But those are just stress's in my life, things that make me think deeply about the issues around me. School is also another creator of stress, I'm on academic probation and am doing poorly in all but one class...

All of this has got me wondering, what's the point of it all? What's the point of my job, my parents, my brother, my school. What's the point of my life? I often fantasize about running away from home, taking all the money in my bank account and running from it all. Completely unrestrained freedom is what i crave, to see the world is what i want to do. How am i doing that sitting in a class room typing papers, listening to lectures, stocking shelves at work, and sitting at home washing dishes... It's not. Sure its making a good resume for myself by going to college but i don't even know what I'm doing here. My dream (probably just a goal that i fabricated for myself) is becoming a geneticist. Exploring the human gene and unlocking it's secrets was my goal but now it's becoming distant with all the work that i have to do and the difficulties I'll have to overcome. And even if i do triumph, then what? Work hard as a geneticist and eventually retire. WORK WORK WORK! That's all i see within the American dream. Sure there's good work, fulfilling work, and important work but whats the point of all that? I fully embrace the fact that i am going to die. I don't know when, i don't know how, i just am and everyone else is as well. And i am infuriated at sciences attempt at fabricating immortality, whats the point of a story that will never end? When you have seen all there is and done all that can be done then what? Where's the finality, the end of your road. In the end, whether we like it or not, is darkness. Nothing at the end, nothing. Everything will turn into nothingness and there is nothing humans or any other being can do to stop it. I think there is no point of taking any roads that life lays out for you if they all reach the same end. In the end one will die and be forgotten. Their works eventually tossed aside for being outdated and boring. I don't see the point of it.

I watch a show called Torchwood that confirms for the characters that there is nothing after death but infinite and lonely darkness. One character asked what's the point of it all? The other character (who had died before) said this is it, This right now is the point of life. Arguing to make the best and most of it. Another character in the series is completely immortal. He finds little to no pleasure in his life because there is no constant threat of death convincing him to do something. He undergoes a level of sadness that no human being can accurately comprehend, he sees loved ones age and die before his eyes and nothing can alleviate the pain but to try and forget....But he believes that forgetting those who died would be worse then any sin he ever commit. So it left me with a sense of complete and total helplessness, immortality kills you morally, mentally, and emotionally. While not being immortal leaves you to face infinity of nothingness. Which is worse?

I can't believe that making the most of life by eking out all the pleasure you can while making a difference in the world or universe is even a worthwhile existence either. I'm just at a loss for motivation, going through the motions of life.  (Please spare your comments about the worry for my well being. I think it would be better if you commented on someone elses post.)